People with attachment troubles or other child trauma often ask: why is dating so difficult? It is, for a reason.
So instead of the dating hunt, I invested my life, fortune, and sacred honor to work for “earned secure attachment.” Dr. Dan Siegel says that’s when we start out with attachment damage from childhood trauma, but grow into secure attachment by earning it as adults. “It’s possible to change childhood attachment patterns,” as Dr. Mary Main says in a 2010 video.1
My plan: “become the change you seek,” as Ghandi said — and then a good-hearted mate will find me. Either way, eventually I’ll have peace in my soul.
Look, Ma, no hunting or begging – for once in my life! I’ve been begging since birth for a scrap of love like Oliver with his begging bowl, and I’m done. Dating website emails go to my spam folder.
I know it’s possible to earn secure attachment, even for those with Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) like me who’ve had developmental trauma “since the sperm hit the egg” and thus the world’s worst case of anxious attachment.Read More
“During REM sleep, the brain is attempting to process survival information until it’s resolved.”
Eye Motion Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a potent trauma treatment developed by Dr. Francine Shapiro (left), a literature professor who was diagnosed with cancer. The shock of suddenly finding her survival was under threat, affected her so strongly that Dr. Shapiro mindfully paid attention to how her body was reacting.
She discovered by accident that when the survival fear got intense, her eyes would sometimes move back and forth diagonally or from side to side, as if in dreaming – following which she felt less upset, much to her surprise.Read More